I fell…Hard.

So…Yes. Wow. Lots and lots going on since we last met.

I moved to Washington, DC last February and started a new job. I also moved into a new apartment. Fast forward to July. I left the job I moved here for, because I landed my dream job. (more on that another day.) Fast forward to Nov. 1 and I moved into yet another new apartment. Commitment issues? Ha, no. [well maybe] But, both my job and new apt are permanent for a long, long time.

Rewind to last February. I was in the best shape of my life. I [f e l t] amazing. And damn, looking back-I looked amazing. So then I moved. Told myself I had until March 1 to get settled and then kick it back in to my amazingly healthy gear. That happened. Sorta. Fast forward to today [with a few pauses] and here I am…up 20, yes [t w e n t y] lbs and feeling like crap. It’s amazing the toll unhealthy food and lacking exercise has on my body once it’s trained to be accustomed to all the healthy things:

  • Some of my pants still fit, but not comfortably–and seriously some not at all.
  • Many of my shirts are tight in the arms.
  • There was a good amount of time getting dressed in the morning was easy. Everything in my closet fit, felt comfortable, and most importantly made me feel confident—Something I remember telling people was one of my favorite things about losing weight! Now trying to piece together the several items in my closet I’m comfortable in feels like chore.
  • My face has been breaking out like crazy for the last few months (even under the care of a dermatologist!)
  • My workouts feel more difficult in a bad way.
  • I am constantly tired and/or “just don’t feel great.”
  • I [ c r a v e ] sugar. I mean crrrrrrave.

(I’m really not trying to go all Negative Nancy on myself, these are just the facts people.)

Here’s what really shocks me. I’ve sat in those Weight Watchers meetings and listened to countless people talk about how they had lost so much weight and were back because they gained some or all of it back…And each time I remember thinking, “I just don’t understand how that happens. This is my lifestyle…That won’t ever be me.” Whelp folks, I ate those words (and clearly several slices of pizza and all the sweets) because here I am…Riding that struggle bus allllll niiiiigggghhhht loooooong.

I’ve tried to pinpoint if there is one thing that is causing this or if it’s several…I know one thing is the culture in DC is far different than what I was used to in Kansas City. Happy hours weren’t mandatory, brunch didn’t mean bottomless mimosas by the pitcher and as many menu items as I wanted. Weekends weren’t based around bars and booze and my workouts weren’t an “if I have time” option. But that being said…I have to learn to balance. I can’t won’t give up my social outings, but I also [r e f u s e] to let my social life take pertinence over my physical and mental health.

The other [bad news bears] situation tapping on my shoulder: HOLIDAYS. Oh, Lord why is the season ‘o eating upon us?! I absolutely refuse to eat and drink my way through November and December only to wake up January 1 a defeated, bloated, why did I do this mess. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So in my plea to myself to find my healthy ways…To get back on track…To FEEL overall amazing again…I’m turing to you all. Please help me get back on track and finish 2014 strong!

Today begins my personal 15lbs by 2015 challenge. I’m aiming to lose 15 by 1/1/15. I know I can do it–but think it would be a whole lot more fun you all did it with me =D Your goal doesn’t have to be 15 by 15…or even scale specific!

  1. What will you publicly agree to accomplish by Jan. 1, 2015? 
  2. Have any of you gained weight back that you’ve lost? If so, how did you get yourself back on track?

I find myself feeling disappointed that I allowed it to get to this point–a place I never thought I’d be. This is a challenge I honestly never thought I would be facing…But I’m human first…and unfortunately you all know what that means! I am really struggling to stay positive and man oh man do I want to be. I am sharing this with you all yes, in hopes you can help me! But more importantly because I want you to know this weight loss thing is a mad struggle. It’s emotional. And no matter where you are in your journey, [you're not alone.]

This is the night before I started my 15 lbs by 2015 challenge.

The night before I started my 15 lbs by 2015 challenge.


Guess who’s back…Back again…

Oh my gosh, you guys.  I can’t believe how long it’s been since the last time I sat down here to blog!  Life. Is. Crazy.

I’m still working on getting to goal weight.  I struggle.  I succeed.  I struggle.  But I focus on how far I’ve come rather than focusing on this last 10-15 lbs.  My body continues to change as I exchange fat for muscle…I’m stronger.  I’m faster.  I’m happier.  So that’s what I focus on!  This picture is something I’ve look at daily for months.  And here’s why:

My life the past few months has been utter chaos.  Starting last December I had a round of surgeries for what turned out to be a benign tumor.  (So many of you sent me well wishes via Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and I am so, so thankful for that!!)

After the first surgery we weren’t sure I would need a second…As luck would have it…I did! Wooo (not.) My second surgery was a little more invasive.  The tumor was removed and the cause was discovered and fixed.

The recovery wasn’t [isn't] ideal.  To back up for a minute, they discovered what caused the tumor, but not what caused the thing that caused the tumor (ya following?) The area where the tumor was removed from is having issues healing properly (yes we’re going on 4+ months here) so I get to do a lot of waiting…see a doctor…not sure of answer…wait…see a doctor…looks better but still not quite right…wait…referred to another doctor…wait. I’ve now had 3 very trained doctors tell me either 1) I’ve never seen something quite like this or 2) I really don’t have an answer for this…Two things you never really want to hear a doctor tell you!!

But, the good news is it is much better than it was…and I’m allowed to run again (oh yeah, I was benched from all activity for SEVERAL weeks.) That was really fun…As someone who relies on running and being active to EAT the foods I LOVE…Yeah, go ahead and do the math on that one!  But, like I said…I am better than I was before and it could have been so much worse, so for that I am hopeful, grateful, and thankful to a wonderful team of doctors who is determined to help me get 100% back to normal!

Adding that to lots of family/close friends dealing with things…Missing people I wish I could see everyday…and at times being generally overwhelmed…Life has been kicking my ass a bit.  But I’m a firm believer in the Universe/God (whatever you prefer here!) not giving you things you can’t handle…So someone thinks I’m one tough, bad ass lady…Which duh, I am.  But I’m confident that things will all workout, because they always do…and I just know [something beautiful is going to happen.]

Shifting a bit:

I’m trying to focus more on “clean eating.”  I went all out for a couple of weeks and saw HUGE results…-8 lbs in 1 week!  It’s not easy though.

[Our society makes it very, very hard.]

When I’m not able to be fully in control of making my food (when traveling or even just eating out with a friend) I can’t guarantee I’m processed foods free.  And better yet, I don’t always want to be! I love cookies and candy and things that taste good (haha!) So I try to keep an 80-20 balance.  80% of the food I eat in a week is safe and “clean” while 20% is the good on the tongue bad on the body stuff we all crave.

I’m normal.  I’m human and I love sweets, damn it!

But I’m also sick of wearing 10-20 lbs so I’m hoping I can get out of the 160′s and look down at the scale at that magic 1-5-0! It will happen, that I do know.

Ok, so now I’ve said this before, but really really really I am going to get back on here regularly.  I will set aside time each week devoted to it! I hope you’re all doing well and haven’t forgotten about me, lol!


2 years…115 LBS Gone.

I made an incredible discovery last night. I knew I started my Weight Watchers journey for the last time in August of 2010…But I didn’t really realize that was THIS MONTH!  I went to my etools to check my exact start date…And wouldn’t you know…it’s this week! August 16, 2010. At first I was like woah I can’t believe it! And then it hit me…Its been TWO years and I’m still not at goal.  This was is a rush of so many emotions. The past 6-8 months has been one of success and set back, success and set back…I’ve never been “off plan” in two years, but like everyone I too, have my “off” times. But after really thinking about the past two years this is what I realized…

What have I done in 2 years:

[Lost] a lot of weight (obviously, ha!) [Gained] a lot of confidence.

[Changed] my body shape.

[Evolved] my mind.

[Left] the plus size section.

[Walked] my first 5k. [Ran] my first mile without stopping. [Ran] my first 5k. [Ran] my frist 5 miles without stopping. [Ran] my first 10 miles without walking. [Ran] my first half marathon.

Did my first [real] pushup. Did 70 [real] pushups in a row.

[Saw] my abs. [SAW] MY ABS. (i like this one.)

[Lowered] my cholesterol. [Lowered] my lipids. [Gained] energy. [Stopped] weight related painc attacks.

[Quit] eating fast food (Not becuase you have to, remember you can eat ANYTHING!)

[Shared] clothes with my [healthy] sized friends.

[Learned] to ENJOY healthy food. [Learned] moderation.

[Experienced] true happiness.

[Left] an undesired statistic group. [Became] a statistic not many people become.

[Proved] anything is possible if you are willing to work. [Accepted] anything is possible if you are willing to work.

And lastly, [learned] to [BELIEVE] in [MYSELF].

So while I am not at goal weight yet, what I have done for myself in two years is forever life changing and I couldn’t be more proud of myself.